Bullet - Meister WIP

[BULLET]

[atrb=cellpadding,10,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 450px; background-color: #303030; -moz-border-radius: 1em 1em 1em 1em,bTable] meister IT SEEMS TO ESCAPE ME Name: Bullet Alias: The Lilith's Bullet Gender: Female Age: 17 Meister Level: One Star AS SEEN THROUGH THE SOUL Appearance: Bullet is 5'0", and weighs 94 lbs. Her eyes are orange and her hair is a light shade of lavender. Her small size and weight make her a little frail. Her clothing varies, but she mostly prefers one pieces, skirts, and the occasional pair of jeans, as well as hoodies, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. The Lilith insignia is tattooed on her left shoulder, which is a cartoon skull with hearted eyes and bat wings. This tattoo is often kept unhidden; a proud symbol of her past as a successful thief. Personality: Bullet is cynical and assertive, almost to the point of aggression. She mostly stays quiet, rarely opening herself up to other people. However, on the inside, she is very mature and caring. She will often get in trouble for taking care of stray cats in her dorm room. And although she hates studying, she is bright for her age. Although she likes to steal, and is a bit of a kleptomaniac, she hates getting caught, and being told what to do. But, she appreciates hard-work and when people understand her. She'd never tell anyone, but she loves cute things. History: Abandoned by her parents at birth, she was taken in by a group of all female thugs known as the Liliths, and their leader, Eve. They found her alone, wrapped in a blanket. It was raining. The group's doctor, Lamashtu, nursed her back to health and gave her a room. It was during her childhood when she insisted on joining the group during operations. She proved herself to be a natural in marksmanship, and passed the initiation test with flying colors. It was then that the leader of the Liliths, known as Eve (a Weapon), branded her with the group's insignia and made her a member. She trained her personally to improve her marksmanship, and taught her how to steal. Over time, Ever came to know her as a daughter. In fact, the Liliths were the closest thing that Bullet had ever had to a family. The Liliths continued their operations with Bullet as a trusted and loyal member. She still owns the gun she was authorized. It was supposed to be their biggest heist yet; they had invaded a castle thought to be abandoned, but full of artifacts. Eve and Bullet lead the operation. But years of training couldn't prepare them for the Witch that secretly occupied the structure. The gang prepared to fight, but Eve stepped forward and told them to escape. Bullet stayed by her side. As the fight progressed, it was clear that the two were outmatched. The Witch showed no mercy in her attempted final attack, firing a large wave of magic in her opponents' direction. Eve dashed in front of Bullet, shielding her. Bullet, tears streaming down her face, took her mother, and mentor's hand into hers, and shot her gun. The bullet was amplified by Eve's soul; the two worked as partners during Eve's final moments. The Witch, severely wounded, fled. The Liliths gave Eve a proper burial, and offered to make Bullet their new leader. She declined, and wandered off into the sunset. The Liliths soon disbanded, but still remain loyal to each other. With the insignia on her left shoulder, she enrolls in DWMA to help fight the Witches, and someday find the one that killed Eve. THE SECRETS I LET OUT Soul Resonance: All meisters start out with one of two basic abilities. These include Soul Menace and Soul Perception. All beginning students must start at the lowest level possible. Fill out the next part after buying resonances for your team. Resonance Name - Description Resonance Name - Description Resonance Name - Description Performance: Bullet prefers to fight at at least mid-range. She does well with any weapon in hand, as she often had to improvise her weaponry when she ran out of ammo during operations. Bullet prefers speed and strength, and makes up for her low defense with her agility and acrobatics. THE PUPPETEER Name: Lammy Age: In high school RP Experience: Four years Password: Rainbow RP Sample: The figure strode towards the building, clad in a skimpy outfit and leaving a cloud of smoke in her wake. The girl was named Bullet, and she was pissed, plain and simple. She hated hot, sunny days like this one. Too hot to go outside, and too hot to stay inside. She took a puff of her cigarette before continuing her walk; sunglasses shading her eyes. She wiped the sweat from her brow. She was headed to the academy. Eager to start her training, but frustrated. Forms to fill out, acceptance tests to take, the works. She wasn't stupid, but she hated studying. But it was worth it, wasn't it? Credit To: Death the Kid of SR

[JAYDEN]

I'm sorry, but you totally f*cked up the profile template. Fix that.

After you do, you should end up with 4 100x100 icons. Your appearance should be a description, not a picture, as the picture should be shown through icons.

Your personality needs to be at least a paragraph longer.

Guns that are not demon weapons are not allowed at the DWMA.

You should not have any resonances, and you should not be able to fire your own wavelength through a real gun. That is only possible by channelling your wavelength through a demon weapon.
- Get rid of that resonance. Resonances are partner abilities only, and must be paid for with forum points.
-You'll need to change some of your history. If perhaps Eve was a weapon, you could channel your wavelength through her nearly dead body. Anything else having to do with the soul bullets should be removed unless you had a proper weapon with you.
-You didn't pick out an ability, but you should probably have Soul Perception.

-Your RP sample is way too short. Sample means a whole post you'd make, and that one is way too short.

-You completely removed the password part, which proves you didn't read the rules. Find the password and put it in the correct place in the profile.

[BULLET]

May 24, 2011 6:01:00 GMT -5 JAYDEN said:

I'm sorry, but you totally f*cked up the profile template. Fix that.

After you do, you should end up with 4 100x100 icons. Your appearance should be a description, not a picture, as the picture should be shown through icons.

Your personality needs to be at least a paragraph longer.

Guns that are not demon weapons are not allowed at the DWMA.

You should not have any resonances, and you should not be able to fire your own wavelength through a real gun. That is only possible by channelling your wavelength through a demon weapon.
- Get rid of that resonance. Resonances are partner abilities only, and must be paid for with forum points.
-You'll need to change some of your history. If perhaps Eve was a weapon, you could channel your wavelength through her nearly dead body. Anything else having to do with the soul bullets should be removed unless you had a proper weapon with you.
-You didn't pick out an ability, but you should probably have Soul Perception.

-Your RP sample is way too short. Sample means a whole post you'd make, and that one is way too short.

-You completely removed the password part, which proves you didn't read the rules. Find the password and put it in the correct place in the profile.

I'm not sure how to work the template, but I fixed everything else. Can you tell me how?

[JAYDEN]

You are missing a huge block of coding at the beginning of the profile.

You can't have both Soul Menace and Soul Perception, but that's my fault. I didn't make that clear in the template.

Appearance and personality are still too short. Each should be at least two paragraphs.

-One Appearance describes her physical body, the other he clothing style.

-One Personality describes her negative and positive traits, the other her likes and dislikes.


The RP sample is still too short.

Isn't she a little underweight for seventeen? She's also kind of a midget for a 17 year old... I have a 12 year old younger brother who is very small for his age, and he's 4'8". Change the age to something lower or increase her height and weight a bit. If you removed that part altogether and just simply said she was fairly thin and somewhat short that would be fine.

[BULLET]

But that's the point...she's small; short. Being small and frail gives her a flaw, which is good to have.
I've fixed everything else, though. Except the coding.

[BULLET]

bump

[SOUL!]

I fixed the coding for you, cuz I'm cool like that and I know that's confusing for some members. So you're welcome :3

Here's what I see still needs to be changed:

-You should change the urls for the icons at the top to your character, be careful not to change the rest of the coding though.
-Appearance- Could still be a bit longer, my preference is to have at least 2 to 3 good paragraphs. Meaning: 5 to 7 sentences each. The height and weight are unrealistic. Thinking of the most frail person you know, she doesn't have to be 5 feet to be that way. You need to make her taller, she can still be frail if she's 5"4' or 5'.
-Personality- Also could stand to be a bit longer if you can swing it.
-Performance- Needs to be a sentence or two longer as well.
-RP sample- Your rp sample should really stand out. This is the section where you really show people what you are made of and make yourself known to the other members of SR. Your future possible partners will read what you put on your application, including the RP sample. No one wants to rp with someone who only comes up with two short paragraphs like that. They want someone who can really stand out and entertain them, because that is what rp is. Entertainment. Sorry if that seemed mean, but it's true. No one wants to have to come up with a reply to just a couple sentences and your sample needs to stand out more than any post in your future. You're selling yourself! Make yourself seem amazing!

Take this and make your application shine! That's what part of being a writer is all about!
Reply to this when you're done and I'll take another look at it.
-SOUL